As the indie beer craze continues to get bigger and bigger, it's only natural (if very unfortunate) that some brewers will do almost anything to stand out on increasingly-crowded refrigerated shelves. It's no longer enough to brew a beer that "tells a story," it's about making beers so completely ridiculous that drinking them at all is the story.
Here's a few of the worst offenders...
Five Of The Weirdest Novelty Beers Of 2016ish
1 - Squid Ink Beer
Who wouldn't want a viscous, jet-black, and highly salty additive in their beer? You know, besides everyone. Sure, certain world cuisines -mostly in Asia- consider squid ink a proper basis for sauces, but there's just no reason to put it into beer. Yet multiple breweries have done it recently!
Really, that one of the brewers interviewed said that he decided to use squid ink "out of spite" really says it all. No, it's NOT being ironically hip to protest ridiculous novelty beers by producing one that's even sillier and less appetizing.
2 - Selkie
There's nothing wrong with a good Scottish Red, right? Well, things have gone horribly wrong when someone decides that brewing it with seaweed is a good idea. And yes, this does mean drinking a beer with a general aroma and presence like what's washed up on your nearest beach. Or as the Portsmouth Brewery's head brewer put it: "About an hour later, if you burp, you burp straight low tide."
(Maybe someone should remind them that when Cosmo Kramer proposed cologne that smelled like the beach, it was a joke.)
3 - Earth Eagle Brewings
Forget a single novelty beer - Earth Eagle is based around questionable novelties. Taking a look at their brew list reveals a horror show of things that should never, ever go into a beer, including (but not limited to):
- Moose heads
- Bear meat
- Pig heads
- And probably more we don't want to think about.
There's also their well-named "Anarchist," which is blended randomly from over a dozen other beers. They describe it as "unmatched in mystery and complexity" and, well, at least that's accurate.
4 - Hvalur
It's long been suspected that living at extremely high or low latitudes, with their unusual and erratic day\night cycles, is damaging to people's mental health. This has undoubtedly been proven by the creation of the Icelandic Hvalur, the only beer in the world brewed from whale's testicles.
No, that wasn't an autocorrect mistake.
Every brewing cycle includes an eight-kilogram whale ball sausage ball in with the hops mash. This was apparently meant to capture the essence of traditional Icelandic winter cuisine, which also includes delicacies such as rotting shark.
Brain damage is really the only possible explanation.
But strange as that is, for absolute weirdest new beer of recent times, we have to give it to the oh-so aptly named...
5 - Mr. Twit's Odious Ale
Oompa, Loompa, Doopity-Deer
It's yet another novelty beer!
Why make an ale from an author's old seats?
Harvesting yeast as a novel conceit?
What are you at, brewing Roald's Dahl's sweat?
Do you think he tastes like claret?
(I don't like the smell of it!)
Oompa, Loompa, Diggity-Dar,
If you brew sanely, you will go far!
You will drink less noxious beers too,
Like the Oompa, Loompa, Doopity-Doo!
So, just take this as a friendly reminder that "drinking responsibly" doesn't only cover the amount of beer being consumed. Sometimes, it means recognizing when a beer is just a bad idea all around.
But on the other hand, using Duffy's Brew Beer Shampoo to make your hair look and smell fantastic? That's a great idea!