Forever Thirsty: Saluting Some Of The Most Interesting Men In The World
You might not know the name "Jonathan Goldsmith," but you undoubtedly know the iconic character he's played in TV commercials: The Most Interesting Man In The World, spokesman for Dos Equis beer. After a decade of exploits, the character is being retired, with his final adventure airing later this month.
(Spoiler: He's going to spaaaaaaaaace!)
So, hoisting our glasses in tribute to the man who tells us all to "stay thirsty," today Duffy's Brew salutes some of the other most interesting men in history. And just to keep things... well... interesting, we'll skip over some of the obvious choices like Leonardo DaVinci and Ben Franklin.
Four More Most Interesting Men In The World
If there's a real-life inspiration for Goldsmith's The Most Interesting Man In The World, it could easily be the recently-departed actor and all-around badass Christopher Lee. He did far more than play some of the most famous villains on film, including Count Dracula and Saruman the White.
He played a half-dozen sports in school, spoke several languages fluently, was a WWII war hero both on the ground and as an intelligence officer in the British Special Forces (about which he never spoke), knew authors JRR Tolkien and Ian Fleming personally... and recorded a heavy metal opera at the age of ninety goddamn two.
You just can't get thirstier than that.
Mike "The Durable" Malloy
Well, ok, the indestructible Mike Malloy was thirstier, as well as proving that sometimes the most interesting thing about a man is how he (hadn't) died.
This truly legendary drunk became the target of a 1933 scheme by five men who took out large life insurance policies on him, thinking it would be easy to get him to drink himself to death. Except no amount of liquor could kill him. Then things escalated rapidly.
Iron Mike Malloy ultimately survived consuming:
- Horse liniment
- Rat poison
- Spoiled sardines
- And carpet tacks
(Sounds like a grog recipe.)
Additionally, they failed to freeze him to death in the middle of a snowdrift, and ran over him with a speeding taxi. But he still wouldn't die! When they finally did kill him -by forcing cooking gas down his throat for an hour- it was so over-the-top that the schemers were instantly charged with murder, with four getting the electric chair.
So remember ol' Iron Mike whenever you wonder how the hell Keith Richards and Ozzy Osbourne are still with us. They're lightweights.
If you want to show up those irritating hipsters who gush over Che Guevara, get yourself a Simon Bolivar T-shirt. This 19th Century Central American revolutionary longed to see the middle of the Continent freed from Spanish rule. After receiving an education in Enlightenment philosophy in Europe, he went about doing that that.
Beginning in 1808, he started a campaign of both the public opinion and militaristic types, turning the tide against the Spaniards over the course of decades. He saw Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, and Peru freed, then topped it off by creating the country named for him: Bolivia. Bolivar basically swept the last vestiges of the once-great Spanish Empire under the rug. At the height of his power, he ruled a stretch of land from modern-day Argentina to the Caribbean... and was the President of Colombia, Bolivia and Peru at the same time.
(That even sounds like a The Most Interesting Man In The World joke!)
If George Washington was the father of one American country, Simon Bolivar qualifies as an honorary Duggar.
The Chinese "Three Kingdoms" period (180-280CE) produced an incredible list of interesting people and all-around badasses, but perhaps none more than Zhuge Liang, one of the most interesting men in Chinese history.
Over the course of 53 years, Liang established himself as one of China's greatest strategists, second only to Sun Tzu if anyone, and was lauded for his many creative tactics elevating the state of Shu and its ruler Liu Bei to prominence during the civil wars. He was later made regent of Shu, when one of China's greatest rulers produced an heir who was one of China's worst rulers. (Ya can't win 'em all.)
But he was also an accomplished diplomat, statesman, warrior, poet, author, and inventor. Among the many ideas he's credited with, he invented the signaling hot-air balloon, a repeating crossbow, and the landmine. He is also among those who may have invented the famous "empty fort strategy," the most epic of all bluffs.
To this day, he's revered and worshiped in shrines across China, as well as by Koei gamers worldwide. Zhuge Liana was a true man's man for all time.
Thirsty For... Great Hair?
Duffy's Brew might not bring instant interestingness, but it can instantly make your hair look and smell fantastic. Try a bottle today!