Five Big Reasons You Need A Beard
Facial hair isn't just a retro-hip fashion statement... it can change your entire life! (And maybe even the world!) There are so many great reasons to grow a beard that, frankly, we're a little surprised anyone even bothers shaving any more.
If you're looking for more excuses to ditch the razor and embrace your once and future manscape, your friends at Duffy's Brew are here to provide!
Five More Reasons To Cover Up That Naked Chin, Young Man!
You want to look older and wiser.
Pretty much universally, in nearly every culture around the world, beards are associated with age and wisdom. If you have a beard, you're likely to be thought of as more trustworthy, and people are probably going to listen a bit more closely to what you say. So you can harness thousands of years of social evolution just to seem a bit more credible.
Plus, who doesn't want to be able to thoughtfully stroke a beard while pontificating on things they know nothing about? Bullshit goes down better with beards!
You have allergies.
Beards are nature's air filter. Really! Having a beard and mustache provides a guard against dust, pollen, airborne microbes, insects, alien facehuggers, and all other sorts of unwanted stuff that wants to wiggle its way down your nose and\or throat. It's like your nose hair, except there's so much more of it.
(And well-groomed nose hair extensions, sadly, just aren't a thing. Yet.)
You can get away with wacky fashion.
Since having a beard automatically tags you as an individualistic iconoclast, - just like all the other bearded gents out there - you are suddenly under far less pressure to wear the same crappy clothes as everyone else. In fact, since a beard adds so much to your overall masculinity rating anyway, it can counterbalance all sorts of other odd or quirky fashion choices you might want to make.
From oh-so-cliched (but still kinda cool) "newsie" caps to that pink shirt you've always wanted to rock but never quite could, a beard is your gateway to fashion freedom.
You've always wanted to join an elitist club.
Have you ever looked longingly upon those little cliques smokers manage to form, just based on having a socially-iffy hobby and all the sense of false superiority that comes with it? Well, with a beard you can have all the joys of feeling like you're better than everyone else, but without destroying your lungs in the process.
Also, once you successfully grow and maintain a beard for at least a year, you'll be contacted by a representative from the a super-secret and shadowy organization of bearded people which may or may not run the world. But don't tell 'em we told you, or they'll take away our voting share.
Admit it... you hate actually grooming and you know it. Once someone has had a beard for awhile, they realize just how much time they painfully wasted scraping razors across their face every single day. With a beard, all you need is a bit of a trim and some minor shaving maybe once a week or so.
Just like how you (claim to) just run your hands through your hair in the morning and proclaim "good enough,"a beard gives you a free pass to ignore one of the most annoying rituals associated with adulthood.
Now if we could just eliminate neckties and the evil they represent...