Duffy's Brew: Embracing The Spirit Of The Holidays
Here at Duffy's Brew, we just don't understand what all the fuss is over which holidays someone is celebrating at the end of the year. Christmas, Solstice, Saturnalia, Chanukah, Pancha Ganapati, Hogswatch, Kwanzaa... Why talk about there being a war on anything?
As far as we're concerned, we should be celebrating as many holidays as possible. After all, it's just more opportunities for presents!
So in that great spirit of giving (and receiving), we've decided it's time for Duffy's to get into the Festivus Spirit! The festivus for the rest of us adds one more opportunity for fellowship, celebration and swag, which sounds like all the reason one needs to join in.
And there might even be a Festivus Miracle or two...
Beer, Duffy's Brew, Festivus... And You. A Complete Guide!
How do you hit the highlights of a proper Festivus celebration? Duffy's Brew is here to show you the way to enlightenment, through great hair and great beer!
The Festivus Pole
Through traditions dating back literally dozens of years, Festivus has come to be represented by the Festivus Pole - a long, unadorned aluminum tube with high weight-to-strength ratio. However, why not take Festivus with you, wherever you go?
Just shave your beard into a veeeeerrrry tight line straight down your chin, and apply a little gray hair coloring. Bingo! Wherever you go, there you are, and your Festivus Pole is there with you.
It's a Festivus Miracle!
The Airing Of Grievances
Why bother with all the fake smiles and forced cheeriness of those other holidays? Festivus is your chance to let it all out, telling the world -and your friends and family- all about everything that really ticks you off. It goes great with the meatloaf and lettuce which is traditionally served.
And what else goes well with a kvetchfest? Beer! We suggest the Festivus Ale from Market Garden Brewery, a tasty carmelly creation that goes down smooth and helps keep tempers from flaring too high.
If a bit too much beer is enjoyed and you need to let out that aggression, it's probably time for...
The Nailing Of The Clock
One of the oldest of Festivus traditions, the nailing of the clock is exactly what it sounds like. Take an old clock you never liked anyway, and nail it to the wall. Repeatedly, if necessary.
Why? That is not for you to know.
Presents don't have to be part of the Festivus celebration, but we can't think of a single good reason they shouldn't be. Especially since there are probably some hurt feelings after the Airing of Grievances.
Now, the ultimate gift for the beer-loving Festivisian in your life would be tickets to next year's annual Denver Beer Festivus, since by the time it's Festivus it's too late to attend. Someone should do something about that.
However, failing that... Give the gift of great hair that smells amazing, with the full line of Duffy's Brew shampoos, conditioners, and facial hair products. They're the best beer-based hair care products in the world, and they're 100% all-natural and organic. Duffy's Brew brings hair that turns heads!
The Feats Of Strength
Finally, a traditional Festivus celebration is concludes with the Feats of Strength, wherein each guest attempts to pin their host to the ground via a wrestling contest. (Amateur rules, please, not WWE.) Once this is done, Festivus is concluded.
However, you're probably really drunk at this point, so wrestling's a bad idea... and why would you want Festivus to be over? Just ignore this part of the celebration completely, and Festivus can last forever.
It's a Festivus miracle!